At the end of the university year of 2013 I wasn’t sure I would reenrol in the new year but it was one of those things I pushed to the back of my mind – I’ll deal with it later kinda-thing. The new year rolled around and I didn’t really want to go back to my teaching course but I didn’t have anything else to do (job wise) and everyone is always saying how bad first year is so a part of me want to see if my second year would be better. Keeping it short it just wasn’t and I realised that teaching just wasn’t going to be for me. I left before the end of the first semester and it honestly was the most empowering things I’ve ever done. I no longer felt like I was trying to please everyone else or society, I felt like I was doing the right thing for me. I instantly felt happier and elation continued for a month or so until I began questioning myself. It wasn’t that I regretted leaving because I am honestly so much happier but I think it was because I didn’t know what to do next and I still don’t.
You see when you leave university you have everyone questioning you which makes you second guess yourself. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve had a panic internally because someone has asked me ‘Well what are you going to do now Sarah’ or ‘What’s your plans now?’ or ‘But you will get a degree won’t you?’ It’s although I’ve been feeling like I need answers for all these questions when in reality it’s okay I don’t know.
Leaving university has been the best decision I’ve ever made but there is all this pressure. The questions and looks of disappointment when my extended family hear that I’ve stop studying makes me feel under pressure to know what I want to do. It’s unfair. From the age of 16 onwards you’re expected to know what career path you want to take when really we’re all just learning about ourselves, our capabilities and enjoying the luxury of being spontaneous.
All this pressure has made me feel like a bit of a failure and I didn’t expect to feel like that. As I said, extended family have made me feel like a disappointment (not intentionally of course!) and I haven’t been coping with that very well at all. I do lack sense of direction career wise and I really envy those who have a set in stone idea of what they’re doing with their lives. It’s been really overwhelming because I’m the type of person who likes routine, goals, making decisions and working towards something. My boyfriend often gets annoyed at me because when plans change, I, with lack of a better expression, lose my shit. This new found unsure feeling with what I’m doing/going to do is new to me so it’s taking a little while for me to adjust.
I'm a retail manager by day and a blogger by night aiming to bring you the newest beauty, fashion and lifestyle news. More Than Adored was created to help beauty lovers, like myself, make informed decisions when it comes to buying new goodies.