AN OPEN LETTER TO MY BODY

 

Dear Sarz,

 

Let’s chat about your body hey? You’ve always had a funny relationship with your body.

 

For as long as you can remember you have never felt normal. Remember when you were in primary school and for school photos you were first in line because you were gigantically tall? Remember that envious feeling in your tummy because your best mate CJ was all the way down the line with her petite frame? What a total babe. You always felt embarrassed because you towered over the boys. And don’t even get me started on trying to ignore the pubes and boobs that followed soon after…. Put the tweezers down girl! Trust me, they are just going to keep coming!

 

Fast forward a few years into high school and your lack of confidence made sure everything was short to show off your long gangly legs and low cut to remind everyone you were becoming a woman with boobs to match. Your appearance is goddess-like but you still are always comparing yourself to others. You envy the other girls with their smaller frames, no boobs and care-free attitudes. They don’t have to worry about strapping in their DD boobs before athletics now do they? You spend these years ingesting the finest cheesecake made at the local supermarket daily and not really knowing how to properly nourish your body. The inside AND the outside thing hasn’t really clicked yet (in society or in your brain). Instead, your body took care of itself rather than you taking care of it. You always have been an all or nothing type of gal so when you’re not gorging yourself you are eating next to nothing. Because you know balance. Nah jokes you were really wondering if it’ll help you lose the hips you had developed (spoiler: it doesn’t so eat the fucking cake).

 

Your long gangly legs, strong hips, and butt combination help you win lots of netball games. You are strong. You feel it too. Until your body fails you leading into years of surgeries, self-doubt and wondering if you’ll ever step foot onto the court again.

You feel betrayed by your body.

You feel like an alien amongst your peers who are all going away to university as you wave goodbye and see a nurse daily. And even though your body needs time to heal you feel frustrated beyond belief. You lose any confidence gained and hide behind oversized jumpers you’ve found at the op shop because you know all those Tumblr images were GOALS. The perception you have of yourself is totally warped by the insecurity brought on after the years of shitty health and not knowing when you’ll get better.

 

But your body fights on. It’s a fighter. But it takes a very long time to gain back your trust. It’s has been hard to admit how fucking crazy you felt all those years yearning for your young bod to get its butt into gear and just work. Bounce back is what they call it right? But the kicker is you defs didn’t birth a child. You wonder if your disease will ever fully go away and even consider doing a Britney 2009 meltdown and that makes you feel guilty alot of the time. You know there are people far worse off than you getting on with life so that’s exactly what you try to do – get your shit together. You take time to learn what foods heal, nourish and make your body feel its best. You focus on listening to the limits but also push appropriately.

 

Now? Well your body is still like the big sister you never had. You get angry and frustrated at it when you don’t understand but you have learned how to grit your teeth and move on. You go through waves of getting along well with each other and arguing but at the end of the day there is a fuckload of love there. You would do anything for each other.

 

You’re a fierce woman now. Your cheeks so rosy from being so loved up it hurts. Someone who has built a life filled with epic people who make your heart feel so full. Someone who loves hard, who takes no shit and understands herself. You now get what makes your body tick and that is so valuable. You now find excitement and joy in getting dressed choosing silhouettes and how you want your body to appear to others. There is nothing more powerful then sweating it out in the gym and going down a size – or even up a size.

 

You feel strong again. You choose how you portray your body. You have taken back the power.

 

Never forget the journey your body has taken you on. Remember to love it when you’re sweating it out at the gym, when you cry so hard you look like a puffer fish, when you’re losing control and shaking from orgasm or laughing so hard tears coming out and you nearly choke on the water you’re drinking (happens often). Continue investing in your skin, keeping tabs on your hormones and ingesting those epic vitamins that make your insides do a happy dance.

 

Stop and remember how far this magical bod has taken you. You are a woman who has conquered. Be thankful, nourish it and never take it for granted.

 

As John Mayer would say ‘your body is a wonderland’

 

Xoxo sarze girl

 

 

Sarah About Sarah
I'm a retail manager by day and a blogger by night aiming to bring you the newest beauty, fashion and lifestyle news. More Than Adored was created to help beauty lovers, like myself, make informed decisions when it comes to buying new goodies.

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5 Comments

  1. 1

    This is a beautiful letter Sarah, I know you had trouble writing it but I think you did such a good job. Even had me giggling in some parts. Much love.

    Taylor | iamtaylorlynette.blogspot.com

  2. 2

    Darling this is so beautiful! I had flashbacks to my 5’10 self in grade 9 with DD’s too. Ahh if we only knew what we know now! Mia

  3. 3

    Ah this is lovely! I was the opposite in high school – I WANTED bigger boobs (still kinda do sometimes), but didn’t (and still don’t) have them!

    This post couldn’t have come at a better time as I’ve got a similar post waiting to be published, but I’m shit scared of publishing it. I think I need to feel the fear & do it anyway.

    Shell // The Novice Life

  4. 4

    Such a journey you have been on. I bet you every girl in high school just wanted the opposite of what she had. So relatable.
    I’m not sure what illness you had or what happened that you needed surgery, but I’m going through a shitty time right now with my body and my health and I think I probably have quite a journey ahead of me myself. I hope that I can eventually learn to listen to what my body is telling me and manage it as you seem to be doing now.
    It takes a lot of guts to post something so personal!

  5. 5

    Such a great post, lovely! Thinking back I’m thankful I went to an all girls school where there were so many different body shapes that I never felt toooo much pressure to conform to one. Enter social media, amirite?
    Love your work, keep sharing! xx

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